I know some of you may be agresivelly rolling your eyes at me for evening mentioning that dreadful, commercial holiday, saying stuff like – we should love each other every day, it’s just a holiday to encourage spending lots of money, it’s blown way out of proportions & other versions of “I’m better than that”. But let me stop you right there.
How about, just this one time, we all leave prejudices and spend this Valentine’s day in peace – with ourselves.
The truth is, without building a strong, loving relationships with ourselves, it’s highly questionable if we’re able to build a strong, loving relationships with anyone else. Most of of the times, they become codependent relationships.
Co-dependency in a relationship may manifest as us stalking his ex girlfriends all over Facebook, finding all the reasons why she’s horrible and we’re a much better choice (who are we trying to convince?), freaking out if he doesn’t answer to our texts right away or getting mad because he went shoe shopping with a friend instead of us. All similar situations can lead only to fights, lack of understanding and respect. Neither of which are a strong foundations to build our relationships on.
In relationships based on co-dependency, we allow ourselves to depend on his (or anyone else’s – I’m using romantic relationships as an example because of Valentine’s day, obvs) approval. We need him to tell us we’re okay, we’re good enough and we’re lovable.
Ironically, nothing he ever does can prove us he loves us. How could it, if we ourselves don’t believe we’re worthy of love?
So, what I wanna suggest is – let’s this year show ourselves we’re worthy, lovable and good enough. Let’s take this Valentine’s day as an opportunity to start a new, loving relationship with ourselves.
Only when we’re secure in who we are and love who we are, are we able to truly love and accept another human being. Because then we come from a place of love and wanting to share our already wonderful inner world with another person. Till then, we’re much more likely to come from a place of neediness.
Instead of needing someone else, this year we could focus on approving of ourselves.
I’d suggest starting with journaling – it’s a perfect opportunity to take time and write everything that’s awesome about you.
What skills and talents do you have?
Why is your body amazing?
How are you contributing to other people’s lives?
What do you really want? Who are you willing to become?
What are you willing to let go of?
How can you become your own soulmate?
In which ways are you ready to commit to yourself?
How are you contributing to your inner peace? How are you not contributing to your inner peace?
What needs to change? How?
Now that you know a bit more about how amazing you are, you could get yourself a gift. Make it something luxurious and meaningful – make it something a soulmate would give you. Make it an indulgence. Make it glamurous.
Forget anything practical. This is not your way of buying the stuff you already need.
This is a way to show yourself you’re worthy of anything and everything.
If you were your soulmate, someone who knows and loves you deeply, what would you get yourself?
Speaking of indulgence, Valentine’s day is a perfect opportunity to pamper yourself. If you got some luxury cream or lotion, you can use it – right after your relaxing, gorgeous bath. While you’re at it, put some face and/or hair mask. Let’s nourish that body from the outside as well.
But also from the inside! I want you to take yourself out for a fancy dinner. If that’s too much, make your favorite meal at home – and enjoy it fully! Eat slowly, chew well, set the mood, dress up. Make it a whole package. Remember to honor your hunger signals; honoring when you’re hungry and when you’re full is a way of loving yourself.
What else do you love doing? How do you envision your perfect romantic evening with a soulmate? It doesn’t matter what it is, okay – if you and your soulmate would lie down, covered with super cozy blankets, watching Netflix – do that.
Sometimes all we need is simplicity.
On the other hand, if you’re in for an adventure; how about learning something new? Sign up for a new yoga class, cooking class, dancing class. Learn a language.
When we commit to learning something new, our self-confidence grows. Even if you fail and discover your new hobby is not a perfect match for you, you’re gonna learn new stuff. Maybe you’re gonna meet new friends. Maybe you’re gonna realise what would work perfectly for you.
Give yourself a shot & try something new. Get out of your comfort zone, that’s the only way to grow!
How are you spending Valentine’s day? Snap a pic & tag me on Instagram!